Five days after election day, the 2004 presidential election was still
too close to call.
Neither Bush nor Kerry had enough votes to win the election. Therefore, it
was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two
candidates to determine the final winner. There was much talk about ballot
recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition
seemed the manly way to settle things.
The candidate that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. The
contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Alaska. There were to
be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this
remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.
At the end of the first day, Bush returns to the starting line and he has
10 fish. Soon, Kerry returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is
just having another bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch
up the next day.
At the end of the 2nd day Bush comes in with 20 fish and Kerry comes in
again with none That evening, John Edwards gets together secretly with Kerry
and says, "I think Bush is a lowlife cheatin' son-of-a-bitch. I want you to
go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see
if he is cheating in any way."
The next night, after Bush comes back with 50 fish, Edwards says to Kerry,
"Well, what about it -- is Bush cheatin?'"
"He sure the hell is," Kerry says. "The sonofabitch is cuttin' holes in the
ice!
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